“Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.” — Emo Philips
Marinated raspberry chipotle pork tenderloin just off the grill.
It’s good to be a carnivore.
Nabisco belVita breakfast biscuits apparently don’t ship very well.
This is just all kinds of disturbing.
First little rose from the bush of thorns.
What’s your favorite Dum-Dums flavor?
“Whoa whoa whoa whoa shit!” — some guy using his SUV’s remote rear door opener from afar and watching a full load empty out into the parking lot.
“Even though I went out on the first round, I’m proud of myself for making it this far.” — Chopped contestant, lowering the bar for himself
Picking up dropped car keys.
Picking up dropped bottle of body wash.
Picking up dropped pain pill.
Picking up dropped pen.
Picking up dropped napkin.
Picking up dropped piece of popcorn.
Picking up dropped Post-It note.
Picking up dropped roll of toilet paper.
Picking up found penny in the parking lot.
Moving the wrong way while asleep.
Moving the wrong way while awake.
Leaning back into a chair.
Sharp turns while driving.
Filling a washing machine.
Emptying a washing machine.
Filling a dryer.
Emptying a dryer.
Wiping.
Slam dunk contest.
Sex with Olympic gymnast.
You know it’s hard out here for a necromancer.
[video]
“I have had it with these motherfucking moths on this motherfucking screen door!” — If Samuel L. Jackson lived in North Dakota
My first grilled pork tenderloin.
Won’t be the last.
Chicken McNuggets are available in only 3 shapes:
The boot, the testicle & the tombstone.
I think the Chicken McNuggets are laughing at me.