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Stock Photos — Your ideas are great, but use one of these instead.™

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Are they made from real orangutans?

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"Hey boobity boobity boobity boobity boobity boobity noooo!" (thud)

— Steven Tyler falling out of bed

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"It was all just a big misunderstanding, officer."

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Looks like Spatula City has itself some shopping mall kiosk competition!

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Misty Waters sounds like a Victorian medical condition.

Or an 80s porn star.

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NEED.

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The Camp Gyno 

"It’s like Santa for your vagina." 

(Ok, so I’m a few months late seeing this one.)

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There are now Americans in their mid-20s who have never heard of Fahrvergnügen.

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100% of Sea Monkeys given as pets this Easter won’t make it to their first birthday.

Please give chocolate, not Sea Monkeys.

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We put little bells on cat collars to trick cats into thinking they have tinnitus.

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I made the motivational speaker cry.

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Pinky finger. Ring finger. Monday finger. Index finger. Thumb.

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A Yamazaki double whammy of quotation marks translating to “No returns.” and “Will dissolve in water. Hand wash only.”

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Nobody tell the kids that Eminem is 41 years old.